


He hated the rain

by Str4y



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bang Chan is a Mess, Bittersweet Ending, Cheating, Confessions, Exes, Heartbreak, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Siblings, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Rain, Smut, mostly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-23
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-23 23:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Str4y/pseuds/Str4y
Summary: Hyunjin hated the rain. He hated the constant reminder that Bang Chan had broken his heart.But more than that, Hyunjin hated the rain because he was still in love with Bang Chan.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35
Collections: Blossom Boy Fest





	He hated the rain

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh hello! I wrote this with the prompts: **drenching rain and a kiss on the cheek**. Things got a little angsty but the ending is.... hopeful? <3 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for the fest for our Hyunjin who deserves the world.

* * *

Hyunjin really hated the rain. 

He hated getting wet, and he hated the way his clothes would stick to his skin when he forgot his umbrella—which was more often than not. 

He had no reason to like the rain anymore. Not only did it make him miserable, but the worst possible thing to ever happen has happened to him. The worst. Maybe he was being over dramatic, but being broken up with in the pouring rain had been both embarrassing and heartbreaking. 

_Chan_. 

Hyunjin wasn’t sure why Chan broke up with him. They were leaving a date when the rain caught them on the way to the parking garage. They’d laughed, and they’d complained about it together. But then Chan turned so suddenly, and Hyunjin, whose face was full of adoration for the older man who was drenched in rain, decided to hate the rain after that. 

“I wanna end things.”

Hyunjin remembered laughing at that, like Chan was telling a joke. But it wasn't a joke, and moments later Hyunjin was falling apart on the sidewalk as Chan walked away from him. 

It was cruel. Hyunjin remembered Chan saying he was going to catch a cab, and that he didn’t want to see Hyunjin anymore. 

Why? 

It was out of the blue, and things had been going great. Hyunjin even thought Chan was kidding when he said that. And when Chan looked him in the eyes with that cold stare Hyunjin had only seen when Chan was extremely upset with someone—usually never him, he knew. 

Chan was serious. 

Hyunjin remembered collapsing onto the wet pavement as Chan told him he didn’t want him anymore. 

It hurt. It never stopped hurting. 

So sudden, so... for no reason? 

For the last two years Hyunjin had pondered what he’d done wrong. He had no idea. Two years later and Hyunjin was still thinking about Chan and that dreadful rainy day. 

The rain outside wasn’t helping, anyways. It was the beginning of spring, and it had been a rainy start. All winter Hyunjin had been safe from the rain, and now he was sitting on his porch watching it pour. 

Hyunjin hated the rain. And maybe he hated Chan too. 

He was bad at forgetting, and even worse with forgiving. After all the tears he’d shed for a man who blocked his number the moment he reached out to him, Chan deserved no sympathy. 

“Hyunjin, it’s cold out.” 

Hyunjin took a deep breath before offering a warm smile to the man who was wrapping a blanket around Hyunjin’s shoulders. 

“A tank top? You’re mad.” The man sighed before sliding onto the porch swing beside Hyunjin, patting his leg calmly, “you’ve always been so careless.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hyunjin replied with a shake of his head, “you’re kinda careless too, Minho.”

Minho scoffed at that, settling back against the creaking white swing, “don’t you hate the rain or something? I remember when we used to run through the rain when we were kids.”

“When we were kids, you sound so old.” 

“Ah, we are getting old though.” Minho snorted, “I remember when dad made this swing. And I remember how we broke it two days later because we kept hanging on the chains.”

Hyunjin laughed at that one, the memory of Minho convincing him to climb the swing and rock back and forth until it collapsed on one side. Hyunjin recalled crying for hours while Minho laughed at him. 

“We were brats.”

“Yeah... sorry for always instigating violence in the neighborhood,” Minho laughed along, “god, everyone hated me.”

“With good reason!” Hyunjin glanced over to his brother before leaning his head back against the rusty chain, “we were just being kids though.”

“We still live in this little town...” Minho whispered, watching the rain as if he was heartbroken by that. 

“You love it here...”

Minho looked like he may have started to cry at that, “there wasn’t much point leaving after Jisung left.”

“I’m still sorry that happened.”

Minho shrugged it off, “we’ve both had our shit taste in men, I’m sorry for what happened with you too.”

Hyunjin nodded at that, “you’re right, and it’s... in the past.”

And then they sat together for a long while, watching the pouring rain smack the street and the car parked out front. The rain was starting to flood the street, the water overflowing holes in the garden. 

Hyunjin didn’t mind living in his childhood home with his older brother. The town was always welcoming and kind to them, and Minho had moved in after their parents died with his fiancée—ex fiancée. Hyunjin joined in months after wallowing over Chan. Minho had suggested it. Fresh air and necessary company. 

And honestly? Despite the rainy reminder of Chan, it was perfect. He was content here. Happy. 

Spring was coming. And it was coming fast. 

🌧🌧🌧

Hyunjin brushed long dark hair behind his ear as he browsed through the novels close by the coffee place that was settled in his favorite bookstore. 

He didn’t really care much for what he was seeing, but his coffee order would be ready any minute, and he did have a book already in hand. But he figured standing awkwardly off to the wide while waiting for his order was silly. 

“Order for Hwang!”

Hyunjin turned, making his way back towards the coffee bar to give the woman there a brief smile before he made his way to the farthest spot from everyone else—his usual, settled right in the corner and surrounded by windows that looked out to the forest. The best place to read especially since it was raining again, and Hyunjin couldn’t really sit out on the benches there. 

This would do. 

Hyunjin took a sip of his coffee, scrunching his nose in regret for forgetting to add more sugar before grabbing one of the tiny packets from the table, pouring the contents and mixing them with a fresh stirring stick. 

It wasn’t the best coffee. It never was, but it would do. He loved the bookstore too much to complain about the coffee. It was peaceful. Everything that Hyunjin loved. 

This town had been his solace. Before, his solace had been Chan. Hyunjin felt silly for placing so much love and dependency onto another person. If he could take all of the tears he’d cried for Bang Chan back, he would. 

Fuck Chan. Fuck everything about—.

Hyunjin shouldn’t have turned his head. He shouldn’t have even thought about looking towards the door as the small bell rang. He shouldn’t have. What had possessed him to look? 

Fuck Chan. 

He should have looked away. He shouldn’t have stared at the head of brown curls turning towards him, he should have minded his business and looked the other way. 

But he didn’t. 

And he was caught. 

Where Hyunjin expected a look of pity or disgust, he was instead met with a smile that displayed the dimple he once melted at the sight of. Now? He was still melting, but the melting was more embarrassment than endearment. And honestly, Hyunjin wanted to disappear as the man approached his table. 

This was unfair. 

“Hi...”

Why was Chan here? Why was Chan in town?

“Long time no see.” Chan continued, his voice as warm as always. 

Long time no see...

Hyunjin took a sip of his coffee before studying the man standing before him, “hello.”

Chan laughed, “ah, so formal...”

“Should I not be?” Hyunjin wasn’t usually bold. But fuck Chan. 

“No, you’re right. It’s been a couple years and—bad terms.” Chan bit his bottom lip before running his hand through that mess of hair at the top of his head. Was he doing this on purpose? “It’s nice to see you.”

“Why are you here?”

Chan took a deep breath, “I wanted to see the town again.”

“Why?”

Chan shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, his smile fading entirely, “would you believe me if I said I wanted to see you?”

Hyunjin felt his right eye twitch, “to see me?” It felt like a nightmare. Why would he want to see him? 

“Yeah... I wanted to talk to you about things.”

“After two years?” Hyunjin scoffed, looking away and down at the table even though all he wanted to do was run away. 

“I know it’s been a long time, and I don’t deserve your time but—.”

“You’re right, you don’t.”

Chan got quiet before a sigh left his lips, “I’m sorry. If you want to talk about things here’s my number.” Chan slid a piece of paper from his pocket that had his number scribbled down, it was like he knew he’d be giving it to Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin didn’t speak. He glanced at the number before looking up at Chan, who quickly darted his eyes away. 

And then Chan left. Chan walked the other way and back out the door. He knew Hyunjin would be here. He came here because he knew he’d be here. Chan knew. 

Fuck Chan. 

🌧🌧🌧

“Fuck Chan, is he serious?” Minho sighed as he crumpled the number up in his hands, granted Hyunjin had already saved it in his phone, “who does he think he is?”

“I don’t know. I’m shocked he even... you know?”

“Don’t call him.”

“I won’t.”

“Seriously... he left you for no reason and you cried over him way too much. You don’t need to go back into that again.”

“I won’t, Minho.”

“Promise?” Minho stuck his pinky out as they sat together at the table, “you promise you won’t talk to him?”

Hyunjin scoffed before grabbing hold of Minho’s pinky, “I promise.”

God, Hyunjin _hated_ lying to his brother. 

He really did.

But he couldn’t fight the urge as he sat on the porch, rain smacking the sidewalk and flooding the garden again. He should have called friends to hang out for the night, but instead he had his phone close to his ear, the dial filling his ear as he waited for Chan to pick up. 

He was probably stupid for this. Why was he doing this? 

“Hello?” Chan’s voice. It was still so soft. 

“It’s Hyunjin.” 

“Oh wow, it’s been three days I didn’t think you’d call.”

Three whole days. 

“You said to call if I wanted to talk about things.”

“Yes!”

“Let’s talk—.”

“Can we meet somewhere? I’ll feed you!” Chan was way too enthusiastic. He really hadn’t expected Hyunjin to call him. 

Hyunjin took a deep breath, taking a hand through his dark mess of hair, “fine. I’ll text you a nice place.”

“Okay! Anywhere is fine!”

“I’ll meet you there.” Hyunjin spat before hanging up, bringing the hand from his hair down into his face in annoyance. Why did he do that? Why did he call Chan? 

But whatever. Free food and maybe an explanation. Was he even ready for that? He didn’t know. Hyunjin would probably panic. 

“Minho, I’m going out with some friends. I’ll see you later.” Hyunjin yelled over the volume of Minho’s music as he lay in his bed with his computer settled in his lap, “I’ll bring you back something from the diner if you want.”

Hyunjin lied again. He wasn’t seeing friends. 

“Okay, I’ll be okay with food, don't worry about me!” Minho waved him off, clearly busy with whatever he was typing up on his computer. Hyunjin knew Minho liked to keep himself busy, so he probably took extra work home with him. Per usual. 

Hyunjin sighed before slipping his jacket on and preparing himself for the short walk. He could call a cab, but he didn’t really have the patience for that. He just wanted to get this over with. No awkward extra interactions. Just a quick chat and dine, and then he’d leave. And hopefully he’d never have to see Chan again—right? Is that what Hyunjin wanted? 

He didn’t fucking know. 

🌧🌧🌧

Hyunjin ran his fingers along his forehead as he waited in the booth, staring at the empty table. 

Of course Chan was late. Even with Hyunjin walking in the fucking rain for half an hour, Chan still managed to be late. God. Hyunjin recalled just how often Chan was late. It was so shitty. It pissed him off. It always did. Part of Hyunjin wanted to leave, but the second the idea hit his mind, that stupid head of curls was stopping him. 

“Hey.” Chan’s voice was soft and small, and he was folded into himself like he was freezing the moment he took a seat across from Hyunjin, “I’m sorry I’m late. I took a wrong turn.”

Hyunjin wanted to roll his eyes, but he’d save that for after his explanation. 

“You’re always late.” 

Chan laughed at that, “yeah... I suck, don’t I?”

Hyunjin had no comment on that, he just shook his head with unease as he grabbed the menu and pulled it in front of him, “you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah... I can understand why you don’t want to, though. It’s all over your face. I’m so... I’m really truly sorry for what I did to you.”

Hyunjin glanced up, capturing sympathetic eyes. He hated those eyes. 

“Let’s talk after we eat. I don’t want to lose my appetite.”

Chan offered a weak smile before opening his menu, “okay, whatever is best for you.”

Chan was insufferably kind. Hyunjin remembered how kind Chan was, and how out of character the break up was. Leaving Hyunjin crying on the sidewalk just... wasn’t Chan. None of it made much sense to Hyunjin. 

The food was, as always, pheneomenal. Hyunjin loved this diner more than life itself. The staff was exceptionally kind and they always made sure the food was perfect. The people here took so much care in what they did, and it showed. 

Hyunjin took a deep breath as Chan ate in front of him. He wasn’t eating much, which was odd. 

Two years. Hyunjin had to remember it had been two years and they both looked the same. Neither had mentioned how the other looked in any way. Maybe they were just... that unchanged. Maybe they really were just that similar to their past selves. 

But Chan used to eat a lot. And that had changed. He was barely eating. Come to think of it, he did look smaller. Like he hadn’t been eating much. Chan used to be so... in love with food. Hyunjin knew he took up working out during their relationship, but he didn’t think Chan would diet this badly. 

“How is it?” Hyunjin asked, watching the man pick at his rice with apparent caution. 

“It’s good.” How would Chan know when he’d barely eaten? 

“You usually eat faster than this.” Hyunjin whispered then, taking a sip of his water, “you used to eat faster than me.”

Hyunjins plate was empty, and Chan’s was full. 

“Ah... I don’t eat that much lately.” Chan admitted. 

“Diet?” 

“Guilt.”

Hyunjin’s stomach dropped. 

With a glance from Chan’s plate, he saw the pain behind Chan’s eyes. And it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for Hyunjin to feel bad for Chan. Chan didn’t deserve his sympathy. For any reason. Whatever guilt Chan felt was his own. Not Hyunjin’s. This feeling in Hyunjin’s chest was so fucking unfair. 

“You’re done... so I guess I can talk now, yeah?”

Hyunjin slipped his hands into his lap, watching Chan with worried eyes as he crossed his arms at the table. 

“You probably... you probably hate me.”

Yes. 

“I deserve that.”

Yes. He did. 

“I’m... a really awful person.”

Yes! Yes he is! 

“I don’t think anything I do can ever make up for that. Especially after two years... I know you probably won’t forgive me. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

Yes! Chan was for once being reasonable. 

“I just... you deserve to know. You both do.”

Hyunjin’s heart began to race. 

Both. 

“What are you saying to me?” Hyunjin managed. 

Chan gave him a pitiful look, “your brother. He deserves an apology too... and there’s not much I can give but... I can at least tell you the truth.”

Hyunjin grit his teeth. Why did Chan need to apologize to Minho? 

“You and my brother never liked each other. Why would you need to apologize to him?” Hyunjin crossed his arms, “I can guarantee you that he wants nothing to do with you.”

Chan bit into his bottom lip, “I know that... but this... involves him too.”

“Why?” 

“Because he...” Chan took a deep breath, eyes darting away, “I did something that affected him too.”

“You should have him here. I’m not the fucking messenger for whatever you did to him—.”

“He won’t talk to me. He probably didn’t want you to talk to me either.” Chan let his arms loosen, “I didn’t know that... I probably should have said something but I just couldn’t do it.”

“What the fuck did you do?”

“Jisung.”

Hyunjin’s blood boiled. He suddenly did not want to talk to Chan anymore. He didn’t want to see him or look at him. He didn’t need details to see what Chan meant the second the name left his lips. Jisung. The man who cheated on his brother. The man who Minho screamed at the second Jisung told him that he’d cheated on him. 

Honestly, Minho had been very harsh on Jisung. And Hyunjin wanted to step in and reason with Minho after he heard what had happened, but it wasn’t really his place. And his brother was pissed. He couldn’t change Minho’s mind. 

“He accidentally slept with someone else.” Minho told Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin remembered how Minho screamed about how sleeping with someone else couldn’t possibly be an accident, but he did mention that Jisung had been drunk and supposedly didn’t even realize what he’d done till the next morning. 

Minho wasn’t having it. Hyunjin couldn’t even console his brother over the phone. 

Hyunjin had to go back to their house for a few days and calm him down. It had been that bad. Minho was... he would never forgive Jisung. 

Hyunjin didn’t know his heart would be in a similar place just a week later. And maybe now the timing made sense. 

“You’re lying.” Hyunjin whispered, chest hot. 

“I didn’t know, Hyunjin.”

“You... you did know. How do you not know that you... with my brother's fiancée?!” Hyunjin was exasperated, beyond upset, “how the fuck did that even happen?!”

“It happened the month I was away for work.”

Hyunjin was burning up, hands getting clammy, “that was—.”

“Jisung and I somehow... met there. We knew each other, obviously. All I remember is talking about how Minho hated my guts and we were drinking and—.”

“You fucked my brother's fiancée...”

“Hyunjin,” Chan took a deep breath, “I woke up in some shitty motel bed. I don’t remember anything. He was freaking out when I woke up. He was pacing around and panicking about Minho. Neither of us knew—.”

“And neither of you had the spine to tell Minho or I?”

“I was... we were going to. Jisung is the one who said we shouldn’t. That we should just bury it.”

“Well that didn’t happen, did it?”

“No... Jisung started to get worried when Minho mentioned wanting to finally get married.”

“You kept talking to Jisung after that...?”

“We were both... we got along well. We really tried to bury what happened. Act normal.”

Hyunjin shook his head, eyes struggling to focus on anything. 

“He couldn’t do it anymore. He told Minho, and then... he told me how bad it got. And I panicked.”

“So you...”

“I broke up with you.”

Hyunjin wanted to cry. 

“I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I was selfish. I didn’t want you to hate me for that. Minho was... I know you love your brother, but he got so mad that he hit—.”

“Stop.” Minho pulled up from the table, eyes panicked and trying to find something to fixate on, anything. 

“I didn’t think you would react that way but I just... I couldn’t do it.”

Hyunjin bit into his bottom lip, “my brother wouldn’t...”

“Maybe it was an accident, but it still happened.”

Hyunjin finally focused his eyes on a nickel on the floor close to another booth. 

“I just... I didn’t know what to do. I was stupid, the whole thing was stupid. I just wanted you to know—.”

“Why now? Why after two years?” The nickel was wet with syrup. It was kind of disgusting too, the edges were dark and it must’ve been run over by a truck or two. 

“I just... I don’t know. I wanted to see you, selfishly, but I also wanted you to get some sort of closure I guess.”

Closure. 

“So what, now I go tell my brother that you’re the reason his relationship fell apart? That he had to break up with Jisung for cheating because of you?”

“Jisung left him.”

“Stop.”

“He hit him, and Jisung left.”

“Chan, shut the fuck up...” Hyunjin felt so unbelievably hot. So hot that he couldn’t stand it. 

“I’m sorry, that’s the truth. I didn’t want... I was just scared. I didn’t want to make things worse. I didn’t want—.”

“To tell me the truth... did you think I was going to fucking hit you? I would never touch you. I would have been enraged. I would have been upset. But I wouldn’t have hit you. And like you said, I had every fucking right to be mad at you.”

Hyunjin was barely composed inside. He was good at holding his facade, but he was crumbling. 

“Chan... why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, why the fuck didn’t you just bury it? Pretend that it didn’t happen? God you are... fuck you.” Hyunjin laughed before leaving the booth as fast as he could. He didn’t grab anything. He didn’t want anything. He just needed to get away from Chan. As fast as possible. 

But it was pouring. It was pouring and he forgot his coat. 

He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to see Chan. 

Hyunjin hugged himself as the rain drenched him with every step, head low to avoid the rain from smacking his face. 

He couldn’t stand this. He wouldn’t. 

Fuck Chan. Fuck Jisung. Fuck—. Part of Hyunjin believed that Minho really had hit Jisung. But Minho wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do that purposefully. And maybe... maybe it was shocking enough for Jisung to break up with him immediately. Minho wasn’t violent. 

God, why did that matter right now? Hyunjin didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to go home and look Minho in the eye after this. After lying to him about Chan. He couldn’t do it. 

Hyunjin was freezing. He ignored it for as long as he could. And he ignored the pain in his chest and the pain in his face as tears stung his cheeks. 

He hated fucking crying. 

“Hyunjin!”

God. 

He hated this. 

Hyunjin wasn’t sure why he stopped, and he wasn’t sure why he turned. Chan didn’t deserve to see Hyunjin this broken up over him. Not again. 

Chan was drenched too, but he held Hyunjin’s coat, approaching slowly before draping the jacket around Hyunjin’s shaking frame, pulling the hood over his head though the damage was done. 

Hyunjin watched the curly haired man, eyes hazed with tears as he caught the pain in Chan’s features. 

“I'm sorry...” Chan had a hand at Hyunjin’s hood, running his thumb slowly like he used to, “I’m sorry for this. I just... I wanted you to know.”

Hyunjin watched Chan pitifully, “why did you leave me?”

It was a stupid question. And he knew the answer. So why was he asking? Why did he ask? 

“Because...” Hyunjin’s bottom lip quivered as Chan spoke, “because I loved you.”

It hurt. Maybe it hurt more than Chan leaving him. 

“Why would you do that to me?”

“I’m sorry. I thought it was better. For me to leave. I just... Hyunjin I didn’t want you to be mad. I know you were still upset but...”

“You didn’t want me to be mad at you, God, I was so mad at myself... for years.” Hyunjin choked out as Chan’s hand slipped to his shoulder. 

“I just... I don’t know. What happened with Minho and Jisung... I didn’t want that.”

“So you left me?” Hyunjin was choking on his tears, “you left me on the sidewalk in the fucking rain? You broke my heart out of the blue to save yourself?”

Chan nodded weakly, face drenched in shame, “I didn’t... I really didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t know that it would hurt you so badly—.”

“I loved you... of course it hurt.” Hyunjin was starting to struggle with his words, chest so tight and body so full of anxiety, “I loved you so much.”

Chan’s face made Hyunjin’s stomach knot. 

“You were... everything to me. You meant the world to me, and you just... took the fucking cowards way out.” Hyunjin did hit Chan, a fist to his chest. A fist that didn’t do a damn thing. 

Chan winced, watching Hyunjin with an expression that only made Hyunjin smack the shorter man’s chest again, “you’re so selfish... you’re such a coward. You’re a coward—.”

Hyunjin repeated himself, holding his jacket with one hand as the other hit Chan’s chest weakly. 

Is this what Chan feared? Hyunjin’s weak fist to his chest? Was that Chan's biggest worry? 

Hyunjin thought it was funny. He thought it was hilarious. But only internally, because on the outside he was a mess of tears and snot. He was shivering and he was losing focus with every utter of the word coward. 

Eventually Chan stopped him, holding Hyunjin’s wrist in his hand, eyes swelled and glossy. 

Hyunjin couldn’t even form any more words, he just watched Chan with saddened eyes. What did he do now anyways? What could he do?

They stared at each other for too long. And Hyunjin was quivering in place. 

It was so cold. 

“I’m sorry...” Chan leaned in, Hyunjin’s fear spiking as Chan’s lips pressed against his cheek. 

Chan’s soft lips. 

Hyunjin whimpered out at that, Chan’s lips lingering before pulling away, releasing Hyunjin’s hand and watching him with the softest eyes Hyunjin had ever seen. 

“I’m sorry. For everything. I’ll leave you alone... I just wanted to tell you the truth. You deserved to know the truth.”

He didn’t, what did he want? 

“Chan...”

Chan smiled weakly, “I’m sorry to Minho too, to both of you. I really am.”

Hyunjin watched Chan offer a sympathetic half smile before he started to turn away. No. He didn’t want him to turn away. That wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair. 

“Don’t—.”

Chan halted, turning back slowly. 

Don’t what?! 

“Don’t leave me again, Chan.”

🌧🌧🌧

Hyunjin wasn’t sure why he’d said that. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to say what he did. But somehow they ended up in Chan’s car, and somehow they ended up at the bed and breakfast that Chan was staying in, and somehow they ended up stripping their clothes off and crawling into the warm bed and under the quilt. 

It should have stopped there, probably. But it didn’t. 

They couldn’t blame alcohol. They couldn’t blame anything for this. 

Hyunjin missed Chan’s lips. He missed his fingertips and he missed his breaths. 

He shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t have. 

But there he was, gasping out as Chan pressed kisses down his stomach, teeth sinking into his navel before his mouth met the most sensitive part of Hyunjin, causing him to writhe and grasp the sheets beside his head. 

This was a mistake, right? So why weren’t they stopping? 

Part of Hyunjin didn’t want it to stop. As Chan decorated his stomach and his thighs, he couldn’t help but feel all of his worries wash away. 

As Chan dragged his lips back up from Hyunjin’s hips to his mouth, Hyunjin couldn’t help but melt. He even wrapped a leg around Chan as his fingers ran across his skin. 

He missed Chan. 

He’d forgive him for the moment. Just the moment. 

Because Chan’s lips were everything he’d been longing for, and he wasn’t about to push them away. 

And he wouldn’t push Chan away as the man’s fingers filled him, and he wouldn’t stop Chan from decorating his neck as he filled Hyunjin. 

Like old times. 

Chan still felt like home. And maybe that was the worst part. But Hyunjin had to neglect the bad thoughts. Just for now. Because he was having trouble containing his moans and gasps as Chan moved. And he needed all of his attention focused on how good he felt. 

The bad could wait. 

Just for a bit. 

It had been too long since Hyunjin felt this comfortable and... was loved, pushing it? Hyunjin decided to not care. 

As Chan moved, Hyunjin couldn’t help but glue their lips together, hands running along Chan’s back and breaths steady until the moment he felt himself explode, body trembling with release as Chan chased his own. Hyunjin let him, his body shaking in pleasure until Chan finally came, Hyunjin’s eyes rolling at the sensation of being filled again. 

They’d regret it later. 

But for now, Hyunjin was curling into the man who was reaching over to grab wet wipes to clean them. 

Tomorrow. 

🌧🌧🌧

Tomorrow arrived faster than Hyunjin was prepared for. 

The bed was comfortable, and the space beside him was warm with Chan’s body heat—Chan. Chan was still here. He was beside Hyunjin, settled right beside him. 

Hyunjin drew a breath as he pulled himself upright, brushing hair behind his ear as he watched Chan sleep. 

He missed him. He really did. 

“Chan...” Hyunjin nudged him carefully, “Chan, are you awake?” He knew he wasn’t. But he needed him to be. He really did. 

Chan hummed before rolling over and forcing himself upright, rubbing his eye before blinking lazily at Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin watched him for a moment, Chan’s sleepy face making his heart pound in his chest. 

“Good morning.” Chan whispered through the silence. 

Hyunjin took another breath before placing his hands into his lap over the quilt, guilt and anxiety starting to rush through his chest, “I think that...”

“I’m so sorry. For this. For... it was.”

“Me too, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said—.”

“Yeah but... I’m the one who dragged you to my bed. I didn’t have to—.”

“I’m the one who pulled your clothes off.” Hyunjin interjected, Chan closing his mouth and frowning, “I shouldn’t have said that to you.”

“I’m so sorry for this. And I’m sorry for making it seem like your brother was a monster... I didn’t mean that.”

“Tell that to him...”

“I don’t...” Chan took a deep breath, “can we please never tell him?”

Hyunjin watched Chan closely, “why?”

“I don’t want to hurt him. Not anymore then I already have... and I’m sure there’s more to what happened with him and Jisung. I just know that Jisung told me Minho was really upset and hit him, and then he left. That’s all I know.”

Hyunjin pressed his head back against the headboard, “this isn’t real...”

“Hyunjin... I’m really so sorry.”

“Me too.”

They sat in silence for a while before Hyunjin decided to finally move and grab his pants from the ground, sliding them up his waist hastily. 

“Hyunjin...”

Hyunjin paused as he zipped himself up, turning to face the man at the bed. 

“I love you. Is there anything...” Chan took a deep breath, “anything I can do?”

Hyunjin watched Chan for a long time before swallowing down his anxiety, “It took you two years to tell me the truth... and maybe the love is still there, but I think it’s best if we stay apart.”

Chan was quiet. 

“I think... it’s best. For both of us. I don’t hate you and I hope you don’t hate me. I just really think I should go.”

“If that’s what you want...”

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“I was a coward. You were right.” Chan looked shaky, “I should have never done that to you. Please know I never... I never wanted to hurt you.”

Chan was sincere. Hyunjin could tell. He knew Chan was sincere. 

“Thank you... for telling me.” Now he knew it wasn’t his fault. It was never his fault, “I’ll go now...” Hyunjin slipped his shirt over his head and slipped his shoes on, taking his coat from the chair in the corner of the room, “it was... thank you.”

Chan looked a little heartbroken, “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Me too.” Hyunjin pulled his jacket on, slipping the hood over his head, “goodbye, Chan.”

“Goodbye, Hyunjin. Take care of yourself...”

Hyunjin turned towards the door, taking a shaky breath to collect himself, “you too.”

And then he was in the hallway. And then he was back in the rain as he walked down the sidewalk. 

Of course it was raining again. And of course he was drenched in seconds. And maybe Minho would yell at him. But that was okay. 

Hyunjin walked and walked until he stopped, breath heavy and body shaky from the cold that smacked against his thin jacket. 

This was freeing in a way. 

He looked upright, water smacking his face as he stared up at the grim sky. 

He should have felt so much pain. But he felt... relief. He was relieved. And he felt... oddly safe. Why did he feel safe? 

Hyunjin outstretched his arms, blinking as the rain smacked his eyes as he threw his head back, taking in the coolness at his skin. 

It felt liberating. It felt... different. Like a blanket. A very cold yet safe blanket. 

For once he didn’t hate the rain. Maybe he never hated the rain at all. 

Hyunjin only snapped back into reality at the sound of a car horn passing by, Hyunjin shaking off the rain from his cheeks as the car sped on passed him. 

Free. 

He should go home. 

🌧🌧🌧

By the time Hyunjin reached his house he could see Minho pulling himself up from their family porch swing. He looked concerned, and based on how fast he rushed from the porch and across the lawn to reach Hyunjin, he assumed he had been worried for hours. 

“What the fuck are you doing?! Where have you been?!” Minho tugged Hyunjin through their yard, sloshy grass under his feet as his brother dragged him out of the rain. And Hyunjin might have stopped him if he didn’t enjoy the warmth of their home. 

After getting out of wet clothes and drying off, Hyunjin found himself beside Minho on their family swing again, a warm cup of tea in his hands. 

“Where have you been?” Minho asked calmly, taking a sip of his own tea as he studied Hyunjin with worry, “I called and you never responded... you look terrible.”

“I was just out. Clearing my head.”

“Jesus, you’re so reckless. You could get sick, you know?”

Hyunjin nodded, staring down into his mug, “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Minho asked worriedly, patting Hyunjin’s head before sliding his arms across his chest 

“Are you?” Hyunjin responded, a thin smile at his lips. 

“Am I what?”

“Are you okay, Min?” 

Minho furrowed his brow in confusion, “Yeah, why? Hyunjin, did something happen?”

No. 

“No, you’re just always looking out for me. Sometimes I gotta look back out for you too.”

Minho parted his lips to speak before taking a breath, “you’re so weird.”

Hyunjin smiled at that. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, weirdo.”

Hyunjin laughed, glancing out to the rain pounding against their yard. 

Minho didn’t need to know about Chan right now. And Hyunjin didn’t need to tell him about Jisung and Chan. Not one bit. 

It was behind him now. At least that’s what he wanted. He thought that everything was his fault. But he hadn’t done anything. And now he was free. 

Hyunjin really loved the rain.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why on earth I have to do this but please do not reupload my work under any circumstances. If you’d like to for any reason please message me first, do not reupload my work. If you see my works on wattpad please report them, I will never grant permission for wattpad.  
> [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/skzorcism)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/Str4y)


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